i am so done. get me out of here.
that was my mentality for most of the week. don't get me wrong, i had a lovely weekend hanging out with my dad, drinking poolside at the wynn (getting sunburn. on my knees. and my knees only.) and generally being lazy, but i'm ready for a change. i don't know if it's the wind blowing up something i'm allergic to, or what, but i feel like i've been on the verge of tears all day. and i can't quite pinpoint one particular thing that's upsetting me. just a general blah-ness with life and all it's lacking.
here's a few things though...
1. this week i simultaneously felt like i was having a bad middle school flashback/ stuck in a sex and the city episode. my roommate told me on Monday that she was having people over for Cinco de Mayo-- all couples and that i should invite the boy i was seeing (or, uh, saw once). he was working (more on him later) so I was hanging solo, which i figured was no big deal. it was a party, right? hardly. turns out it was just 4 couples--2 teachers i work with and their spouses/fiances, plus a lesbian couple roommate is good friends with, and me. i felt so out of place AT MY OWN HOUSE. especially as it turns out this group of people have been hanging out together every weekend for the past whoknows how many weeks. i know now where roommate and boyf have been every time they leave the house without saying a word to me, as i heard all about their adventures on the town with these other couples.
i get it. couples like to hang out with couples. i am single, not a couple. why WOULD i be invited along? but i know these people too. i'm fun. aren't i? apparently not, as I have no be included in any gathering and i'm quite certain my presence at my own house wednesday night was not preferred.
this city honestly makes me feel like a friend-less loser 90% of the time. how did i miss that day in kindergarten when we were taught how to make friends?
even with my dad in town this weekend, i was still struggling to stay awake past 10pm (both nights he left me on my own by 8 so he could take a nap before going out with the bachelor).
god i need a life.
2. i refuse to be sad over boys, and i'm definitely taking my break from boys, but seriously, WTF. i agree with megan (see comment #2 last week) that it's better to know now if a dude's going to be a flake, but i 'm irked that there's no logical reason for sudden changes in heart...
first there's RadioDude...the Phillies had a series with the Cardinals this week and since he's a Cards fan, i thought perfect opportunity to get together... or at least make a friendly wager. so i texted him proposing a beer for the winner of the series. this went back and forth as we decided the terms if it was a tie and it was flirty a bit (something like if they split the series, i'd let him buy since it was a privilege to drink with me and he replied that he already knew or something like that...). but it died. the phillies won the series but he never really offered the prize and i didn't exactly run to claim it either. i think i give up.
then there's brooklyn, who is MIA. i didn't even get my sunday night phone call tonight. he texted me tuesday morning to say happy teacher's appreciation day or something silly and cute and that was the last i heard. sigh, i dunno if it's worth it...
i give up. just let me run away to my happy place in the middle of the mountains.
i can't say it's all blah as i have made a new discovery today that i am totally smitten with...
his name is Jason Mulgrew and I met him in Borders. or at least i stumbled upon his book in Borders and promptly bought it. His book (and his blog) is called "Everything is Wrong with Me" and he is every kind of right for me. The book is all about growing up in Philadelphia in the 80s and it makes me so nostalgic. and so i went to his blog and i love him love him love him. read it.
i am going to email him and propose and also find out how you get people to read your blog and then get people who read your blog give you book deals.
sigh. another imaginary lust to add to my list (already on list: ted mosby, jim halpert, and aaron karo and the entire philadelphia phillies line-up).
i'm going to go to bed now and dream of a life where i am not alone, or at least not left alone because i'm single, where my jason mulgrew/aaron karo/jim halpert/ted mosby hybrid guy will join me for cinco de mayo parties and pool side at the wynn, and where the wind will stop blowing this crap up my nose making me sniffling (instead of dreaming about trains, and missing them repeatedly, like i did last night. hate those dreams where you're trying to get somewhere, but can't. umm...symbolic much?)
on that night, good night.
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Remember the time you only got burnt on the backs of your knees.... weird.
ReplyDeleteSometimes having a boy is great but then other times it doesn't matter whatsoever and you still feel like you are on the verge of tears. Call me any time my lovie. Also, I like marshal erikson. we can double. And, the wind is crazy over here and making me cough. Miss you. Love you. xoxo
I agree with Lisa - I too have been suffering from allergies more courtesy of the crazy wind here the last few days, and I still have those days (weeks?) where I feel anxious and upset for no clear-cut reason and then I worry that something really bad is looming... it never is, though.
ReplyDeleteAnd even though I am married, I often find myself wishing I had more local friends (single, couple or otherwise!) because Chris works so much that I'm home alone a lot with little to do. It's way harder to make friends as a grownup. If you don't meet them through work, how do you meet them??
But things always turn around. You have your summer to look forward to! Hopefully you make another stop on LI again soon too.